Two years ago I was DESPERATE to have a baby.
I was hot, bored, tired, HUGE.
I wrote this blog post and had mommy friends laughing their fool heads off at me. Because bored? Oh lord in heaven when was I EVER going to be bored again?!? Silly pregnant girl.
But then, when it was so hot and I had a monster child freeloading in my equally monstrous body? I was READY. I was SO antsy to just GET THIS THING DONE and I was SO prepared and ready for this child.
In 5 days my baby will be two and I have to honestly say that two years ago? I was woefully unprepared. Hell, I am still unprepared.
I was unprepared to have these kinds of feelings for another human being, like having a heart that lives outside your body.
I was unprepared to alternate between wanting to never let go of him and snuggle him forever, and to run screaming out the door if he says no one more time.
I was unprepared to have it feel so right to leave work and never look back, to embrace a life of teaching shapes, letters, numbers and words.
I was so unprepared but every day I learn.
I learn how to do this and how to be better. I learn how to teach and nurture and give and receive love. I learn that frustration is a way of life. I learn to not prepare for the next day because who knows what will come.
Some days when it’s been hard and I’m tired and being Mommy isn’t a title I want at the moment, I pick myself back up, dust myself off and look at this kid that we made. That we make every single day when we are with him. That we make better and smarter and more loving every time we walk into his room to say good morning, or give him a hug, or even a timeout when he’s been naughty.
I was so unprepared. But I look back on the last two years and have to marvel at all we have accomplished, all HE has accomplished and I know that no matter how unprepared I was, I think we’ve done a pretty good job so far.
