I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. A great toddler, an amazing husband, the ability to travel for free, anywhere that our airline goes to. A blessing. Truly.
Ever done it, flying standby, by yourself, with a toddler?
Um yeah. Welcome to the seventh circle of hell.
Picture this if you will…
A holiday… An insanely crowded airport… People rushing around, various flight delays, pissed off passengers, pissed off ground crew… Add one tired, stressed out mommy who has been bumped off of two flights, and a toddler who has sailed past nap time and is fighting valiantly against full, atomic meltdown.
We get bumped off a third flight, but know we can make the next one in a few hours. Shoot. Ok, we can do this… We can survive lunch, naps, and the general madness of the airports.
So I throw the kidlet in the BOB, drop the back on that sucker and cover it with a blanket. I pace, dodging in and out of grumpy travelers, trying to avoid their bags and deadly glares as I bump into them with my monster stroller. I must have walked a mile in the damn airport, trying to get the kid down… Then silence.
Until they page someone over the PA system and I hear a whine coming from below, the rumbling sound of a volcano about to blow…and then the screams start.
These are not normal screams. These are the blood curdling screams of a toddler who has blown his nap and is f-ing DONE people. DONE. So he screams, and screams, and howls, and people are unabashedly staring in horror at me and the sounds coming from the BOB.
Women all over the airport start popping their birth control like tic tacs.
And it continues, until at one point I am inside the BOB with a thrashing toddler who is trying to extricate (read:hang) himself from the straps in the stroller as gate agents and hundreds of people watch on. I’m surprised no one called CPS on me from this sheer noise this child was producing.
The good news? We finally made it to spend a delightful holiday with my family and no one died in the process.
I hate the holidays.
Or at least traveling on them.
I’m never leaving my house again.