Yeah ok, I’m behind. I’m also probably not going to be able to catch up. Whatever, stop beating yourself up Type A crazy lady. It’s the holidays and my parents are coming in two days. Oh, and my house does not reflect that fact that anyone from the general public will have to enter it in 48 hours… much less my mother. Gah.
Anyway – Reverb 11 – Day 7.
What did you learn this year?
So it may not be something that I specifically learned this year, but definitely something that I’m learning more about every year that my husband and I are married.
Without communication, a marriage just won’t work.
Everyone has their moments in a relationship. That moment during an argument where a peaceful “discussion” dissolves and anger and resentment take over. That moment where someone says something they can’t take back, or that floors you with it’s nastiness.
This is what we call a communication breakdown… and we have had a few of them this year. Everyone does, so I don’t think we are exceptional in any way, but what I have taken away from these meltdowns is that if we had calmly discussed it like adults first? It probably wouldn’t have gone there.
It’s taken us 3 years of marriage to figure it out though… and I still have moments where I’m steaming about something and I’m not ready to talk about it… but steaming never makes me a pleasant person to be around. And because I didn’t address the issue when it first bugged me?
Every.stupid.thing.starts to bug me.
The dishes? Grrr.
You left the toilet seat up? Grrr.
You told me I looked pretty when I feel fat? Grrr.
Everything pisses me off. And because I didn’t want to talk about the original issue, now I’m furious. Irate. Ready for a fight… with a man who has NO idea that I’ve had three hours of arguments in my head and is going to be completely blindsided when I lose my shit on him.
So we learned to talk, to address those things that are starting to annoy us. And sometimes it doesn’t go as well as we hope. But most times, we can talk about it rationally… can deal with it calmly…
Because we decided to communicate.
And other times we yell and scream and fight… because sometimes it’s worth the makeup sex.